Never on the bright side of life.

Hobbit Flakes

Dealing with the dark side.

I haven't written to much the past few days because I've been a cowering wreck.

I have some rather inconsiderate neighbors. They were shooting off fireworks for days before the actual holiday. Then came the 4th and it may as well have been the gates of hell opening up. From 7pm until 12:20am they were just covering the area with the loud booms and flashes. I was cowering in my recliner as tight as I could pull my fat little body into a ball, trying to keep my skin on my body; fear making me want to jump right out of said skin. 

Cue meltdown. I wanted to scream, I wanted to bash my head through the wall, I clawed at my chest in frustration. I was wearing in-the-ear earbuds covered with over the ear headphones. My media player cranked as loud as it would go. I could still hear them. They were right outside my window, down the street, across the street, on the corner.... I was surrounded by these weapons of assault on my senses. I have PTSD as I said before but not from any military trauma, but from childhood abuse and traumatic events in my life. I have the same reaction if my phone rings. I jump and clench my chest in fear. 

These past few nights have been hell. It was all I could do to keep from screaming and hiding under a table or in the basement. but there was no escape from the sound. The neighbors have been relentless in their celebrating. Every single night, including last night. (Saturday)

Which brings me to a weird incident that happened this afternoon. I glanced at the clock and noted the time, turned to my son and said "Gee the mail sure is running late today." He replied "It's Sunday, there is no mail." I stared at him completely aghast. I was absolutely positive that today was Monday and that I had my doctor appt tomorrow (Tues). Some where in all that stress induced trauma I lost a day. But not really, I remember watching out usual Saturday night line up on cartoonnetwork. But today had to be Monday, it just had to be.

I'm just hoping that the fireworks nonsense is over with and I can get back on track. But I'm really going to discuss all this with my psych doc when I see her this month. This is not meaningful life. Jumping at every little bitty noise just doesn't seem like a way to live a life.

Oh one more thing. The next door neighbor is a bad neighbor in all senses of the word. When they or their friends pull in their drive way (my living room windows are right there.) They always have the car radio blasting. A few times at 3-5 in the morning they get into huge fights and she'll take off in the car leaving him screaming down the street after her. And this morning the distinct and headache inducing smell of pot wafted through the window.  (nice just what I needed)  These are not the same people where were here when we first moved in. These people are newish (end of last year I think)

I guess that's all the complaining for now.