There are plenty of articles about dealing with a learning disabled child, but what about dealing with a learning disabled adult.
My son is now 33 and has the mind of an early teen. He still watches cartoons (which I don't mind so much as I watch them too) Bit he watches little kid cartoons and it's slightly annoying.
I've given up a lot to raise him. He needs constant supervision.
Now he's having severe mental issues: hearing voices, anger issues, depression, panic attacks,  and an alter personality that rears it's head at times of stress.  I'm having a difficult time dealing with his problems while dealing with my own. I'm exhausted.
He's clingy yet affectionate. Moody and happy, scared yet brave enough to deal with my issues as much as he can.
He needs guidance for everything. Has trouble making his own decisions  He'll never be able to be on his own. He has little survival skills to make it on his own. Yes he can cook a few things for himself, but he still asks for guidance on what to have and how to do things.
Life is just to confusing for him without me to show him what to do and where to go. He has no money sense.
Having an adult (child) is taxing work I wouldn't trade it for anything. Yet there are times I wish for time off to myself, as he's always right here.
Lately he's finally gotten a part time job with the local agency that  helps the mentally disabled. And he works 3 days a week. I usually end up sleeping in because when he's home he constantly wakes me up. I'm glad for the time off, yet feel lonely that he's not here to chatter with. Someone told me it's “empty nest syndrome” and I believe it. That's what it feels like.
Dealing with someone who's brain functions at the early teen  level when they are 33 is a challenge. Enough with the stories about little kids, I think it's time for stories about mentally challenged adults.

what's been happening

things have gotten weird.
my son is diagnosed with depression, possibly bipolar, and anger issues. he's now displaying signs of an alter. No harm yet. all because his older cousin raped him repeatedly when we lived at moms for the first time.
the alter is kind of scary. his voice and persona change... get darker and deeper.
he's also hearing voices. in particular his bitch of an aunt. she tells him to do things and he's not strong enough to resist. i'm working on that one bu telling him i'm stronger than her. so far it seems to bring him out of the hold she has on him.
he's also told me that he feels like he should be a girl and wants to be a girl. i'm supportive of whatever he wants to do. but i can't help but feel a small bit of grief.

this is all worrisome thing.

on the good side. he's gotten a job with hope network.. he's enjoying the work and people, and he really likes the paychecks. it gets him out of the house for a few days, giving me a bit of a break.

my health has gotten worse. i have a walker now because my legs aren't working the way they should.. i no longer need to go to the hematologist and the renal specialist.

life has taken a few weird turns.

"im shattered: does it matter?"

.

Old

When did I get so freaking old???
1. When I was younger I was the one driving around with my music full blast in my car. Now I feel like the little old lady; standing on her porch, shaking cane in clenched fist yelling “Turn that fucking music down, asshole.”
2. I could generally eat what I wanted even though I gained weight. Now I can only eat select food and I still gain weight, and ill to my stomach.
3. Music didn't suck like most of today's music.
4. Things were simple, more innocent. Now there's almost no shame.
5. Things just cost a lot less; I'd kill for yesterday's prices today.
6. Other than the whole life long depression, I can now add cranky, creaky old lady with baggy skin and a spine that's literally tearing it's self apart.
7. I could drink and never get a hang over. Now I can't even take a sip because of all the stupid medications I'm on.
8. I had energy and could stay awake.  I could really drain some child for the energy level just like a vampire.
9. I was kinda gothy when I was in school.[didn't have a name for it then]: Now I'm an awesome elder goth... how cool is that.
10. Went to fun concerts and amusement parks when I was younger. Now I can barely leave the house without a panic attack.
11. I used to be hell on wheels; driving fast, even entering the ¼ mile race track [lost by half a car length]  Now I get crippling panic attacks that could have very well manifested into an attack in the middle of the highway causing all kind of trouble. I quit driving, one thing I used to love. It was freedom, a way to get away from what was going on in my life.
12. Dreams of moving somewhere exciting, Now worrying about having to move into a nursing facility.
Getting older sucks. Being old is the worst thing ever. There is a difference strangely.
My great-grandfather used to say; “It's okay to get older, just don't get old.”

And remember..... “Don't sweat the petty things; and don't pet the sweaty things”   “Of all the things I lost I miss my mind the most.” “It's all mind over matter: If you don't mind, it don't matter.”

Walls

Let's talk walls.

Walls can be a good thing. They keep the weather outside, They protect us from people who want to harm us, outside. 

Some times wall are even meant to keep invading armies from entering one country to another.

Walls have lots of uses.

Some are harmful 

Causing divisions between one country.  Some may not remember but there was great joy and celebration when the Berlin wall (pictured above) was finally torn down and both sides of Germany were reunited, ending decades of ill will against each other.

Now some people are talking about a wall between the USA and Mexico. 

I personally feel this is a bad thing. It's not going to keep any terrorist out.

Why don't we also build a wall between Canada

Oh I know..... No one is afraid that some friendly Canadian is going to invade our country. 

As to why I feel a wall between USA and Mexico is bad is.... We are a Free nation. 

If a wall is built as some would suggest that will be closing us off, we may as well build a wall to the north also.

Build a wall and infringe on the freedom of the USA and we can no longer be considered free.

We the cranky old farts salute you

Ya know I was just thinking of something.
While growing up we all had a car that we tricked out the stereo so we could play our music as loud as we could, and laughed at cranky old people who yelled at us to turn it down. We were the free ones, the peaceful ones, the violent ones.
I think I now understand why.

As we grow older we're less able to stand loud noises: some of us even have PTSD and can not handle any loud noise. Things get on our nerves more easily, things piss  us off more.

We are now the old people that yell "TURN THAT CRAP DOWN"

We want to live what's left of our lives in peace, but we have the next generation that are the loud music players, the partiers, the obnoxious laughers.

We've gotten older and more sensitive to everything around us

....... and one of these times, one of us is going to go out to the loud car in the intersection and PULL THAT GOD DAMN RADIO OUT OF THAT CAR.

can't you tell i'm calling for help.


but go ahead and leave me alone

I am so sick of living